Sentences for Revision

The final exam will require you to revise sentences like these, perhaps some of these very sentences.

A. Stylistic Weaknesses (passives, nominalizations, deadwood, jargon, too negative)

Assume you are the author. For sentences that are vague or ambiguous, decide what is meant and make it clear. You may add or delete information, but try to retain the intent. Revise negative sentences to emphasize the positive. Change any sentence in passive voice to active voice.
  1. It is to be recommended that the turnkey system is the system to be implemented.
  2. The registration form included with the new software package must be filled out in its entirety to be validated.
  3. The 180 degree rotation of the compressor will be provided by the use of a pneumatic rotary actuator.
  4. Use of the manual will allow test results of the different brands of UNIX to be compared in order to make recommendations to customers.
  5. I will provide information pertaining to the location of such documents.
  6. The specialists' unfamiliarity with other computer models precipitates the need for a simple yet descriptive reference manual.
  7. Since many of MGE's applications are dependent on data from other MGE applications, a general knowledge of all of MGE's applications is needed by everyone in my group.
  8. I will provide a discussion of each step of the application, so that a thorough understanding of the application will be achieved by its users.
  9. First, the software has to be taken off a magnetic tape. Mount the software tape in the VAX. The subsequent steps should be typed at the $ prompt.
  10. A concise, organized handbook does not exist that would enable a user to easily install this equipment.
  11. An assumption of basic knowledge to related study is to be made.

B. Grammatical and Documentation Errors

These sentences all have grammatical or punctuation errors. They may also have stylistic weaknesses. Sometimes correcting a stylistic weakness (such as passive voice) will correct the grammatical error, but not always.
  1. After analyzing the data, charts and graphs will be created.
  2. The turnkey system is best because the start-up cost is low, the seller provides maintenance, and its immediate availability.
  3. Now run the film again, this time concentrate on the other hand.
  4. I will research this topic through management and organization sources found in the library and current employees.
  5. Information is one of those necessary skills. "Those who control information have real power (1:77)."
  6. This manual assumes the operator is already familiar with MS Windows, using a mouse, and has experience using a word processor.
  7. Unable to withstand anthrax, the doctors decided to move the patients to another facility.
  8. Listening to music is permitted, however, the volume should not be audible outside the office.
  9. I will demonstrate the application and removal of the gizmo, explain its history and uses, as well as the advantages and disadvantages of the gizmo.
  10. After reading several of the books, a very common sense solution came to mind.
  11. If you are having trouble in class, go to see the teacher. They are here to help.